hi ther i have the same problem with my kids . thy think becouse dean gets off with some thing and gets more atencion so should they. i dont have eny aswerers for you but i am in the same boat, your not allon ,aspergers afects the hole family. i hope things get better for you, and if you do fine an aswer please tell me. GOOD LUCK.

To all you parents and carers of children/adults of ADHD and Aspergers, well done for coming this far in your life and coping with a disabilty which, rips apart your family and distroys any "Friendships" that you thought you had !!
I will write what i think, but i will do it over a few replies, as my luck on computors is as good as getting my son to sit still for 3 minutes !!
My son Ben, is nearly 12 but he has the body and the strengh of a 20 yr old.
i have know from within 1 month of birth that my son needed extra help but it took 5 yrs before someone would listen to the expert " The Mother"
i have fought for every minute of every day that my son struggles.
His struggles of life, his not understanding, frustration and against people-who just dont like him.

having a person with thus illness is so cruel, no one knows its there but everyone see's something.
the looks you get and the advice is overwhelming.
But not one, offers their house or their time to give you a rest.
Its so funny that so many people think your thick. You know, when they tell you what to do or how to do it!! its as if you never thought or done that while getting to that stage of the comment !!
Right, now lets get to my point...i do love to waffle.

Every one, forget social workers, understanding Doctors, family and friends the only thing that will get you through this illness is your own madness, and that "Not very often" time when your child tells you that they love you and you get to give them a cuddle.
Funny, just that simple act, takes away months of, screaming, shouting, abuse, smashed items and extra windows in your walls where you never thought they could exsist !!

Sorry for any slips of spelling.
Do you know when you sit there, when your at your end for that day and you wonna shout "Why Me" i think of it as, in this life time my lesson is to learn patience, and patience is the only thing you can learn !!

I know Ben will kick off, i know he will say some really hurtfull stuff which will break me down and i will cry.
I know that there are some rooms with added features but that is part of ADHD & Aspergers. No point in trying to stop it it needs to come out and if that person does not understand whats happening to them, it will come out in what ever way it will.
Could you stop someone that was having a fit? No, you just make sure they cant hurt themselves with what surrounds them?
Could you tell a person off who is in a wheel chair who bumps into some furniture in a new room? No, so why take it so personaly when our confused kids lash out kick and scream because they are scared,angry and filled with a million thoughts that they cant understand or make any sense of.
They cant control the rage, it has to come out to have to manage the way in how it comes out.
Its hard, its tough and at times it is soul distroying but hey, they are are kids and if we cant cope..how will anyone else??

So how do i cope?

i protect him like a mamma bear, shield him from other peoples hurtfull comments, i rant and rave, a cry when alone, and i try every day to watch for the signs which tell me my lad is going to kick off.
I except that i will be the sole carer and that i will go to battle each day.
The schools, doctors, people that live around us, my family and my other kids.
I do all this, because no matter how hard it is for me it is twice as hard for my son who has no control, no clear thoughts, no friends, no sleep over, no invites, no one apart from me.

So to each and every one , that has took the time to read these many replies, WELL DONE, IT TAKES A VERY SPECIAL PERSON TO TAKE CARE OF THESE VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE WITH THIS CRUEL ILLNESS,WELL DONE FOR NOT GIVING UP AND WASHING YOUR HANDS OF THEM. WELL DONE FOR BEING THEIR PARENT.
LEARN EACH DAY AS THEY LEARN, BECOME THE BEST DIY'ER IN THE WORLD ON A BUDGET!! LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF EACH DAY (COS, NO ONE ELSE WILL!!) WELL DONE IF YOU GET TO HAVE A BATH OR GO TO THE LOO WITHOUT WORLD WAR 3 BREAKING OUT, OR ITS BECOMES A FAMILY AFFAIR BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHEN THEY ARE READY AND THEY TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE THE BEST AND THAT THEY LOVE YOU, EMBRACE IT AS YOU DID, WHEN THEY TOOK THEIR FIRST BREATH.
IT IS HARD, BUT ONLY A SPECAIL PERSON COULD DO IT.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thanks for those words. ADHD makes our children a little bit more special. Look hard enough and you'll see why.

I too have had things thrown at me, been sworn at and called every name going, but still we carry on. He caused chaos for years and was well known as our human tornado. Destroying anything in his path.

Finally we are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and the good days are becoming more frequent. We found the thing that makes our boy a success (not school, as we no longer attend) and this allows him to stand out on his own. No sibling rivalry and a sense of achievement. Boxing may not suit everyone but it worked for us allowing aggression to be chanelled in the correct way.

He turned 16 today and I never thought I'd survive this far but I have and am very proud of him. Persevere and take one day at a time. Never take it to heart and start each day a fresh one and you'll get there.

Keep going it pays off in the end.

try to be patient he will find the diagnoses of his sibling hard to take as well as you i no its hard i have 4 boys and 3 of them have problems and my 9 yr old gets very frusterated by it all when he is in a good mood try having a one to one talk with him to find out what the problem is and tell him you love him but you dont like him very much when he acts up explain that what he is doing is very hurtful and could cause someone in the end some severe pain or injury if after this long talk he doesnt change every time he acts up give him a punishment take something away he really enjoys i no it seems mean but thats what ive had to do and we dont get so many of the episodes as we used to it has taken along time and lots of punishment but we are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel keep fighting tell your son everyday you love him and will always be there for him and that you are sorry you have to punih him but that his behaviour is unacceptable it will get worse before it gets better but hang on in there you will get through in the end let me know how you get on incase u wanted to no my 13 yr old had adhd ocd odd tourettes and suspected aspergers syndrome my 7 yr old has suspected aspergers syndrome anxiety disorder and is dyslexic and my 4 yr old has hypotonia and chest problems the 9 yr old has no probsjust low on self esteem and confidence
take care
sarah