The first thing to do is contact your GP who can refer your child for assessment. This may result in counselling or therapy. While you wait keep a diary of incidents. You can also ask child care providers to do the same including school. You may find a pattern emerging.

Stay calm (I know its hard) and talk through the problem with him. We found that by taking the situation and giving it a different response our son eventually began to control his temper. Praise situations where he responds well and don't react too much in situations where he doesn't as his self image and self esteem are probably very low. He expects negative responses.

As you have probably found out by reading the messages here you are not alone and people have been great when I have needed advice and support.

Keep your chin up there is light at the end of the tunnel. If you want to e-mail direct feel free.

Thanks for the advise. I have actually been to doctors, social services, health visitors and he has been to a programme at the local hospital, but in the hours play therapy they didn't find a problem. All I seem to hear is many different excuses, e.g. he's a middle child, his dad left, his little brother has a lot of time in hospital, he needs time to settle into school. etc... I can understand that for a little boy to deal with a lot of situations then he will be very confused, but he is also very angry with life, he has a huge fear of all kinds of weather and things are a huge deal to him. I know there are many others in the same situation and worse, and I feel for them too. I deal with all my children the same but I cannot seem to get it right with Dale. Im sorry to witter on but im in desperate need now and I feel im hitting my head against a brick wall. The school have applied for a statement, due to many temporary exclusions but his next move is to be expelled. My other problem is now how are things dealt with at home without him being sent home all the time, or do I finish working and take my time to deal with him. I onle work 3 days a week, but he still gets sent home on those days.

Hi Karen,
I really do feel for you, but you are doing the right things. Don't give up trying to get a diagnosis. I'm a single parent too and i also have 3 children and my middle one Daniel has ADHD. It took me years to get a diagnosis, but i never gave up. You know instantly as a mother when something isn't right with your child. Ask the school if they have provisions for children with behavior problems and if Dale can be referred to the school doctor. The school doctor should be able to give a diagnosis as most are expert in this field. Once diagnosis has been the school should give him more leway for his behavior. Don't let them fob you off with excuses about its because of you and his dad splitting up.
Good luck and let us all know how you get on.

hi karen,i know just how you feel when you say you feel like giving up.i have 4 boys,two of which have adhd,ones 13 and the other is 7,some days life is hell and i just cant wait to get to bed,the biggest comfort is knowing there are other people out ther in the same boat,its just finding them,keep your chin up girl and remember its NOT your fault

sorry my post wont give any answers or change what your going through.
but i hope that by saying and i think i speak for most, we all know in some way or another what your going through.it is very very hard to see the light at the end of the road but trust me when i say it is there and we all have to go a different way to reach it.
i guess what i'm saying is try not to give up (i know it's hard)don't just accept what others say ,you know him best of all, so let no one tell you any different!.
you really have to fight and stand your ground to get all the support you need.at almost every meeting i have about my son i end up getting angry because they don't seem to relise just what i'm having to live with.
like yourself my son is always hurting/shouting at kids in school and at home and gets into trouble everyday and everyday i have to walk past the mom's and dad's as they stare at me because i've been called in because his hurt someone.
i tend to feel that at the end of the day it will never go away , it might change but for every change theres another problem to solve and by working with it not against it ,then the route for both of you wont seem as hard.
and remember it's not his fault and it certainly isn't yours.A big hug and lots of support sent to you!

Thank you all for your replies and they do help. It does make a difference knowing other people understand what is happening. I am again in work and again Dale has kicked off in the club, he hit a child with a stick, then hit, kicked and heat butted 2 members of staff, then ran off, once they went to find him he told them to "f" off. Luckily they agreed to keep him there so I can return to work.
I have now contacted the local social services to ask if they know of any child care facilities that will take Dale and his behaviour, and will actually be able to deal with this. Guess what? they said NO. I shall phone the local special school on Monday to see if they will consider taking him in there

Hi Karen,
Just a quick message to ask how things are going?
Love Jo

Things are really progressing quicker now. He has an appointment with the psychologist on wed 5th oct. he has had no violent outburst in school so far but the usuall, running off and screaming at people. I actually watched a programme the other night on a little boy with adhd. I cried all the way through, it was Dale to a tea in school. And the things the other children were saying was like my daughter and other son,I just hope now that things will be starting to get sorted. His new teacher even said to me that he didn't realise how poor his reading and writing is, my 5 years old can do more.
Thanks all for your advice, its made me feel lots better. Thanks guys... and I hope you all ok with your situations.

hi karen my son is twelve he was diagnosed last year i felt that it was never going to end i dont think it does but once u fight for that diagnosis and the medication starts to work the bad days r still bad but there not as often and more managable there is no support myson is in a special school but apart from that all u have is other mothers support

This new teacher he has is male and dale hasd not had any contact with a male since his dad 4 1/2 years ago. (I dont do boyfriends - haven't the time) This teacher seems to deal with things so differently, if he has a bad day, the teacher just ignores the situation. This seems to be working.
I will admit that he has now a bad name at school though. My friend has just started as a dinner lady there and the other dinner ladies were discussing the BAD children on the playground, they commented on how bad dale was and one said she had a black eye from him, they got onto discussing his family, but at this point my friend pointed out that we have been friends for 28 years, they didnt say another word.
Just goes to show that these children will not get given a chance to prove they can be caring and loveable. My friend said to them that they didnt see the side of him at home, when he is helpfull, loving and caring.

they can be very loving and caring and very protective i find ignoring adams behaviour is best way as if i shout and scream i end up frustrated i knew somethin wrong when he 18 months so took me 10 yrs to gt help i went through the bad mum stage been in domestic violence they blamed that only when he attacked me at school and my daughter at doctors they took action i have only just gt a computer and internet and every other site for adhd r american they do class your child as naughty but once they give u a name a lot of attitudes change the social services r to busy the camhs haven enough staff the police just want an arrest and your pulling your hair out

Well Dale had the meeting with the Phsyc last wed, he then came back on monday, dont know as yet what the result is. School have a temporary new head teacher and her words were "we will not tolerate bad behaviour" so basically I think I have a long road to go down yet. Feel better in myself though and dale is not so bad at home just the moods and winding the other two up.

Just want to say thanks to everyone who has advised me these past few weeks, it has really helped.