I have a son with suspected AS. The trait that I am most concerned about is his tendency to something that I can only call 'melodrama'. It used to be most obvious in the context of 'punishments'. For example if I threaten to ban him from the computer for a week, he would react by banning himself "forever and ever". Now, however, this tendency has taken a far more heart rending turn. For example, he and his best friend played together all Saturday afternoon. At the begining of the afternoon, they fell out twice (as children do). The rest of the afternoon was spent playing incredibly harmoniously. However, we have had tears at bedtime every night since because of the 'falling out'. If he gets told off for anything, he sees himself as the worst child ever (albeit only temporarily).

I have an adult friend whom I suspect of being AS who shows exactly the same trait (when she didn't get the last job she went for, her reaction was that she would never get a job, despite the obvious counterevidence namely that she is currently in a job), but I have never seen it written about.

It concerns me as while my son is generally a very happy child with a very positive self image, this tendency to melodrama has a very destructive effect on my adult friend's mental health.

Does this sound familiar? Any tips on managing it?

Thanks.

and here i was thinking this was just an nt trait ,i and my son both have aspergers and we are the least melodramtic people about ,my friend also has aspergers and she isnt like this ,my nt daughter is very melodramatic and loves nothing better to make her father guilty ,this doesnt work with me as i dont even feel guilt.My husband uses the expression she would make a mountain out of a mole hill ,and nows just how to make people feel guilty and swing things around to make someone else look bad.
whereas me and rhys get into full blazing rows and after we have calmed down hell say love you mum and il tell him i love him back.
i wouldnt say we are melodramtic though.
tracey

Maybe I shouldn't have used the word melodramatic as it has all sorts of values attached to it. What I see in both my son and my friend is a very genuine reaction of great distress that does not appear to be intended to provoke a particular reaction from anyone else and that seems to be out of proportion with the event that caused the distress.

Perhaps a better way of describing it would be a fixation on something negative despite the countering positives.

My son has ADHD and AS and when he was younger he definitely would over re-act to things. (He is much much better now and has learnt to talk about things when he in unsure).
He could be quite self distructive about it and would accuse himself of being the worst child ever or say that he would never be able to do something etc. However, I learnt that more often than not, what he was getting most upset about was not always the real problem. As an example if he had fallen out with a friend at school he would come home and find something else to get upset about, like a TV programme he wanted to watch had been changed. He would go on and on about it and I could not placate him, even if it was going to be shown the following night instead. It would often take quite a bit of patience and gentle questioning to find out the real problem.
Once I knew the real reason he was upset or if the problem was obvious, I could then give him lots of support, reassure him the problem was not that bad, talk about different things he could do or say to help make the problem better and talk about other things he was good at to help ease his mind and take away some of the negativity.
We did have other occasions when you would expect a big reaction but did not get a peep out of him, the most "melodramatic" times aleays seemed to be when he was not sure how to react or he had been badly misunderstood, resulting in a falling out with someone.
I have met a few children with ADHD and AS that react like this, but I would guess that personailty would also play a big part in why some react this way and others don't. As Tracey says she and her son don't but her daughter does.

Take care
Anj

thanks anj. It is that self destructiveness that you also identify that most concerns me. Helpful to know that the talking things through does in the long run take effect. I was worrying as it didn't seem to allay his upset in the short term, despite him being a generally very happy child.

Thanks again,
c

I have two boys that are both mildy aspergers. The oldest one showed no melodrama at all. He is now opening up a little more emotionally in his teens which is actually good. But the youngest especially when corrected, would take it overboard and say he's the worse kid ever etc. I would give him the "look" to remind him I didn't think much of his melodrama. I would gently tell him I disagreed with his opinion and let it go. I have tried ignoring this behavior so as not to give him the negative attention I think he wants from this behavior. He doesn't do it often, and I feel with all the moments of cuddling and loving we share, he won't have any long term effects from this. It isn't a good character trait that we as a family appreciate, but we're not real concerned about it as his self esteem seems to be okay elsewhere.