ADHD & Aspergers Forum

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ADHD & Aspergers Forum
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refusing to go to school

Hi, my five year old has Asperger's and has recently started taking it upon himself to refuse to go to school approx. once every week and now I am at a loss as to how to resolve this. It all started a few weeks ago when it was snowing particularly heavy and I thought it best to keep the boys off school for the day. The next day Matthew stated that he didn't want to go to school as he was allergic to the snow (despite the huge snowman that he helped to build in the garden the previous day). Anyway, he won and stayed off school as all attempts to persuade him to go were to no avail. Once he has made up his mind that is that.
This morning Matthew again decided that he quite fancied the day off. Yesterday he spent an enjoyable day at school and his explanation for staying off is that he is not feeling well.I can't think of anything that has happened other than the fact that I have given into him on the first occassion and now he knows that he will get away with it again whenever he feels like it.
I have the emotional strenghth to stay calm and not get angry but do not have the physical strength to get him out of bed and dress him and the prospect of dragging him kicking and screaming into school is not a pretty one. Has anyone been in this position before and if so how did you overcome it? On the whole Matthew does enjoy school although he does have problems in the playground. His teacher is aware of the situation but has offered no words of wisdom, possibly because it is a mainstream school and because she respects my opinions and ways of working with my son.Any help would be gratefully appreciated as this can't go on. Sharon

Re: refusing to go to school

Some years ago I found myself in a similar situation with my daughter. We found that a reward system worked for her. She gained stamps on a chart for going to school without fuss and at the end of the first week was given a small reward. This would have to be agreed between the child and yourself before hand. We drew this reward on the chart at the end of the week and she could see what she was aiming for. Once she had achieved this we extended the period to two weeks and then built this up. We informed school of what we were doing and she was also praised for her achievements by them which was a great help as she was pleasing lots of people.

I hope this is of some help. Good luck.

Re: Re: refusing to go to school

I have a battle every morning to get my son into school. Sometimes we have trouble actually getting out of the house but mainly once the bell goes in the playground he announces "I'm not going to school" and the battle begins.

I have tried a reward system with a chart which worked for a while but I rewarded him for every 2 days that he managed to go to school well.

His LSA is brilliant in the mornings and tries various ways to get him into the classroom and perhaps you could ask the school for some support to get him in.

On the odd occasion that I haven't managed to get him into school, I've tried to make the day at home as boring as possible and also insisted that some school work is done in the hope that next day he won't want to stay at home.

Good luck.

Re: Re: Re: refusing to go to school

Thank you both for your prompt replies. I have tried to make the day boring for Matthew today by insisting that he stays upstairs in room whilst I study downstairs, (thought we would both endure a boring day - Open University) Anyway, I thought that he would be bored out of his mind until I went upstairs and found him sitting on his toybox, dressed top-to-toe as spiderman watching a DVD. Sometimes you have to laugh but really it is not funny. I shall certainly try the rewards system but my eldest son came in at lunchtime with a note declaring an in-service day on Friday.(yes THIS FRIDAY!!!) I must remember to thank them for the short notice. I can't help thinking already about the battle to get him in on Monday after 3 days off!!! Oh well, nothing for it but to roll up my sleeves and get on with it.
Thanks again, Sharon

Re: Re: Re: Re: refusing to go to school

Hi Sharon

My son did this when he was in his first year of school. He always hated going in and we had some major battles to get him to stay. He came home one day and announced he was going to try homeschooling. I agreed. Next day I worked that child so hard that he was only too delighted to go to school the following day! I used internet sites to print off Maths problems, printed word searches and simple crossword puzzles. I covered every subject that day. I told him I didn't want the Dept of Education thinking we couldn't do it right. Cruel I know, but I couldn't afford for him to be staying off on a regular basis.
Hope things work out

A